Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
