you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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