You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
