i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
