I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
