your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
