And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
