he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
