I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
