well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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