I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize