How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
