Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
