I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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