I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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