If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
