Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
