he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
