just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
