ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
