It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am one with the molecules
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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