Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
