I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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