i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
