is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
