I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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