I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
