i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
