I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
