my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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