The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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