I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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