I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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