she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
