dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
