My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
