You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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