And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i believe in u and ur pee
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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