yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
