My liver just broke up with me...
are you so shy because you have an std?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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