My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
