Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
