Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
