My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
