May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
