I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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