my room smells like sperm. sweet.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
