First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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