if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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