and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize