Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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