No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
