I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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