i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
