i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
operation harelip BJ is a go
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize