honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
