So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
