It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
