I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
