Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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