Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
