Please, let me fuck your mom
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
