yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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