im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
