He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize