guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
