U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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