Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
