dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
